We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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