I think I won the penis lottery.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
