am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My vagina is officially offended.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize