absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
