I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
