Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
