just tell him i said nine months
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
