Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize