having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
