she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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