theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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