He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
