i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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