I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
