I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
