i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
