So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
