Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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