I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
