She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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