You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
