So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
