Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
