chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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