my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
