So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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