there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
