I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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