I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
