Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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