Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
