You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
