no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
