I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
