I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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