you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
