there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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