so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
