WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
