Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
