do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
