the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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