I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
