butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize