Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
my poor anus
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
