I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
