my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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