you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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