But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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