i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
