i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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