Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I am midnight drunk by noon
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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