All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
