Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
