I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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