This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
