Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
