Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
