jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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