he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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