I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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