I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
