i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
