never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
