i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
