You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
