i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
