she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
