Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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