True but thats because hes a fetus.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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