I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
