I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
