Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Randomize
