did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
