First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
