I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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