Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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