dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
