i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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