no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
